Horizons

So, it is still January. I have not found myself in front of the computer much these past weeks. Any spare time I have, I've had my face buried in some book. Escapism, I suppose. Though, life is not as difficult as it was not so long ago. I think I'm reading because I CAN find those few moments of escape and because my brain will actually disengage from my surroundings, from parenting, from anxiety.

January!! I am still working on an existential resolution. The quotidian one has been easy to accomplish so far: anti-wrinkle cream before bed. This was Woodworker's resolution as well. He is not as good at is as me. He only manages to remember if he sees me doing it, and then he wants me to rub it on his face. Since he's already in bed. So far, I've thrown it at him once. But then I realized I don't want to break the bottle. Not so existential.

I'm subconsciously mulling my hopes and designs for 2011. I can vaguely feel it - something along the lines of broadening horizons and gathering strength. It was such a damn huge goal to get to Christmas that I'm sort of blinking in amazement at January. And, gosh darn it, Buckaroo is going to be ONE YEAR OLD pretty soon. Holy shitballs. Nuh-uh. Let us not discuss it, let us not. For it is too amazing to behold. Let us leave it alone until it is nigh upon us. Instead, let us discuss the fact that I found myself looking at job openings that were very VERY far afield. I found an amazing, well-suited position at the Getty, for instance. I don't live in Los Angeles, however. So why did I drool over the job description? Why did I start to formulate the cover letter, just for fun? Similarly, I probably don't need to be looking at jobs in Washington, DC. Not helpful. But it was just so fun to imagine doing the work that those jobs described.

Alas, I suppose this is an indication that I am remembering my *self* in a broader sense. That I may be able to be a mom AND be out in the world, bustling, thinking, participating, etc. I am so deeply impressed by the mom that does this, in whatever form. I had no idea I would be so viscerally, mentally discombobulated by motherhood - so shaken, in a way. But, shoot man, you don't know until you get there. We planned to have me at home for at least a year, and thank heavens we were already hoisting that paradigm, because I just don't know what otherwise would have done to me. But, one doesn't plan to have a colicky baby, one doesn't plan to struggle with vicious postpartum depression/anxiety, one doesn't anticipate buying a fixer-upper and moving with an infant, or for any of those complications. It is relative, I suppose. We all have to do what we have to do.

This year, we plan to go to Maui for my brother's wedding in September. That is a superfabulous goal for us, for financial and swimsuit reasons. Yay for fitness!! We talk about being "Maui-Ready." Umhmm. Woodworker is one of those boys who sort of thinks about losing weight and, voila, his pants are baggy. Jerk. But honestly, I just want to feel good and eventually to find myself on that beach in the sun. So, I'm excited to have that "feel good" goal. Part of embracing new horizons and stuff.

In other January memos, lets look at these two hooligans causing trouble at our house:



Thick as thieves, they are. Getting each other all worked up.



Trying to distract us with their sheepish grins...



Move it along, they say, nothing to see here!

Oh, Buckaroo and Genevieve, masters of our days. Growing, giving chase, inspiring groans and giggles and large glasses of wine after you go to bed - we love you!

Bedtime,
Nellie