First Day of School

Tomorrow I go back to work. The Year of Living Maternally came to an end. I am still shocked that we made it this far. There were so many weeks that sucked, what with fatigue and loneliness. Days where the idea of seeing Buckaroo's first birthday was unfathomable, like an ironman triathalon, accomplished by other people. And there were weeks where naps went well (for both of us) and walks were taken and cookies were made. And I paid attention with hyper-consciousness, to easy moments. Because its all temporary. And starting tomorrow I am a working mother. So, right now feels like the night before the first day of school. And my wee silly bit of love is about to start a new experience without me. Waaaaaaaaah.

This is all a very big deal. Buckaroo will go to a daycare and I will go to a brand new job. It is a miracle that I found a job, truly. I was hardly looking, unlike so many frustrated people. But it feels fated (not to jinx it, hello). I fully intended to spend a year at home with Mr. Sillypants regardless, and then see where things were. Then, maybe 3 weeks before Buckaroo's birthay, I got a call from a friend about this potential job. A few days later, I was meeting with the guy, and BAM before you know it, the deal was done within hours of Buckaroo's birthday. I am not making this up.

Then I turned to the preparations of the Extremely Important First Birthday Party. What a success. Its a whole other post, and then some. But after the dust from the party settled, it was time to find daycare. Time to do this change. And I don't know where the past couple of weeks have gone, but blogging certainly didn't occur. So much going on in my head and my heart, I suppose. It has been strange to be the mom inspecting daycares. Again, rather like I'm playing at something that other people do for real. I'm a mom?! That's my kid?! You'd think I'd have a strong sense of this by now.

We found a gal. She lives just a couple of miles away. She's very sweet and she absolutely dotes on the adorable kids in her care. Turns out the neighbor boys go there. We've been to visit a couple of times. Then Woodworker and I scratched our heads and listened to our instincts and signed some papers, and now we have a daycare. OMG holy shit. Can I do this? I know Buckaroo can do this. He loves to jump in the thick of things and chase bigger kids and yell-talk and poke babies in the eye. In fact, we chose daycare instead of at-home care because he's so outgoing (not my side of the family, I confess) (plus, a financial decision).

So tomorrow I start a new job. Its going to be hard but I know we can do it. Or maybe it won't be hard. Maybe it will be a little hard here and there, and otherwise good and fine. Hell yeah. Because, lemme tell you, my brain is so excited to go to work. I get to do stuff and make money. Only now I'm a momma and a worker. I will forever feel that division. Or, that "both". The mind-boggling, visceral desire to be with him and lovelovelove him. AND. The steady-on effort of work and personal development.

I have totally dropped the ball with communicating this excitement to my bff ladies out there. I'm sure all my lovers in Minneapolis and Chicago and Bozeman and NYC and SF and PC and Seattle and Denver and Moses Lake and Provo and Logan and IF and Bend and Orlando are happy to hear about this new development. (I must digress: it was really fun to type out all those cities and think about all my friends/relations/loved ones. Thank you! I recommend everyone do that.) And one of these days I'll get the whole digital photo situation back on track here, so I can fully report on the various parties and so forth.

But now it is time for bed. I've showered and am ready to read a few pages of my dorky book about the people's history of England. Buckaroo slumbers next door - at least for now. I pray for a good night's sleep. And tomorrow I cross that bridge. We cross that bridge. Though, the other day, when I was bemoaning the bridge to my mother, she reminded me that it is not a very big bridge over not a very big chasm because I am looking at a part-time job with flexible hours. Did I mention that? :)

I feel so blessed. Look at him, he's delicious and such a love. Just like his dadda. Even though they both drive me crazy. But I'm sure I make them crazy too.

Crossing the bridge.....xo
nellie