Last night there was a spider. It was the 3am feeding so I was sitting with Buckaroo in his room. I saw the spider across the room scampering with obviously evil intentions along the dresser. But there was enough junk on the floor between us that I didn't worry. Then! All of a sudden he was there, in the middle of the room. In the middle of the room on my son's quilt, darting among his toys. So at this point I hate him. And I couldn't move because I was feeding Buckaroo. But I think it wanted to kill us. But I couldn't move. Because the most important thing about the 3am feeding is not that the baby receive nutrition - n0 - it is that he goes back to sleep so I can go back to sleep. So I can't scream the scream that is in my mouth. I cannot jump and run and get Husband. And Husband is ignoring my mental telepathy.
So we remained in this stand-off, the spider and the nursing mommy. I spastically kicked my leg towards him so he'd know I was there, so he would be more scared of me than I of him. Hmfphf. I was sweating. It was exhausting. Finally, with one eye on the enemy, I put Buckaroo back down. And then I threw some poopy diapers on the spider. Then I woke Husband. Then Husband silently (ish) chased the spider around, and it was a prolonged battle for the spider did not want to die. But now his remains are in the poopy-diaper garbage. Rest in peace.
I did get back to sleep but it took a while because I had the itchies and was trying not to imagine spiders crawling up the crib.
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