Baffled

I've just come downstairs. Where is my family? Seriously, at this very moment, I am alone in the house. Its Saturday morn, and we had all been rubbing our eyes in bed, wondering what on Earth caused Buckaroo to have such a rotten night's sleep. Woodworker mercifully took the baby downstairs so I could get a few more minute's rest. So for an hour I tried to ignore Buck's very inconsiderate loudness coming from below, and I got a bit more sleep.

But I've just come downstairs and they're GONE. One minute I'm slipping on my slippers and griping to myself about how loud that kid is, the next minute I am wondering where they went. Amazing. It also looks as if Dadda fed Buck some cereal and changed a diaper! Aren't you fascinated by all this?

So, me and my coffee and you in your virtual company. Hello. Here's a terrible self-portrait of me and the ever-perfect niece Juliana Margaret:


But wait, it gets better:


Aaaahhnnnn. She's so silly. Too silly. And go ahead, say it, she has wacky hair. But its so soft and whispy..... omg I loff her so moiche!!!Little pumpkin pie. Ahn. Other people's kids. Lovely.

Its baffling to me how this all works. How fully occupying this parenthood thing is. Sometimes (very occasionally) I'll realize I've been alone in my thoughts and not really in mommy mode - and its shakes me a little. It feels like 2 states, not integrated. I'm one of those people that needs alone time. It helps me get my mind sorted, to decompress, to - you know - keep my shit together. And I am still very much that person now. Motherhood didn't make that part of me go away. Motherhood did, however, make the opportunities to be alone much MUCH more scarce. That's challenging. I just have to share that.

So, while I have this quiet time, maybe I should shut the hell up and just BE in it. Not that I ever overthink anything and stuff.

xo Happy Saturday.