Last night I didn't get much sleep. This has been the theme of my life since Buckaroo was born. He is proving to be a very VERY late bloomer in the sleeping category. Also, he has a cold right now. And I think he was having gas pains.
ANYWAY. Today has been difficult. As have many days since he was born because of the sleep deprivation. I need a lot of sleep. Things had been improving the past couple of weeks so I have a bit more perspective on how the deprivation was messing with me today. I am realizing that I'm not that crazy or miserable by nature, but I've just been very tired for a very long time.
For instance, my sister Liz left me a longish voicemail today about how the lady in front of her at Starbucks paid for the following 3 customers. At one point I forgot I was listening to a voicemail and actually started talking to her like she was on the other line. When I realized I'd done that, I started laughing and then it was laugh-crying. Waaah. My brain is mush. Just fits and starts, I tell ya.
So I called her to make her feel bad about how tired I was, and she was with our Mom on the way to the fabric store to have all sorts of fun without me. (They live well over an hour away, so its not like Buck and I could have jumped on board anyway. Plus, no room with her 2 kids' car seats. But whatever.) So I told her I thought that was bullshit and not fair that they were having fun without me. So she asked me if she should have made up a lie about what they were doing? She and mom thought that was funny so they were yucking it up while I kicked at nothing and tried to find something else to complain about. But she hadn't gotten any sleep either and she has TWO kids, so I had to shut up.
I'm going to bed now. We made it through the day. I have a considerable amount of my son's snot on my sweater. But that's about the worst of it. Nervous about how much sleep I will/won't get tonight. But we must go through the night nonetheless.
Sweet dreams.
hello my sleepy cousin. I must say I love the sleeping picts of Bucky you have posted but I can see they are misleading. I remember the feelings of relief and collapsing when Eden WOULD fall unconscious. I would be like one of those toys-you push the bottom of it and it goes limp, let go and it shoots back up. And Eden was my button pusher. She goes to sleep and I fall wherever I'm standing. We've had to have several detox nights throughout her life to remind her/me we don't need to be with her all night long. I hated those nights. I rented movies to block out the screaming, took cookies to my unfortunate apartment neighbors etc. But the outcomes were usually worthwhile. We were all (including Eden) much more happy and sane. I was pleasantly surprised at Eden's short term memory and quickness to forgive my neglect. GOOD LUCK!!! May you find your Ch'i
ReplyDeleteAptly put. I have also kicked the air at nothing in a jealous fit of rage when the fam is getting together without me. I feel your pain!
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