Shelter

I looked out my kitchen window recently and saw this:

Aaaahhhgghh!! Yiccchhh. Mushrooms. Zillions of them overnight. Gross. Its like my lawn has a rash. I hate HATE rashes. This is why my son seems to be developing eczema. Yucky.

I ignored the mushrooms for several days. I was reminded of my youth: when we lived on the farm, I remember a ritual of my mother's: we would fly out the back door to play in the yard, Mom would follow us and patiently pace up and down the lawn stomping to nothing any mushrooms she saw. Lest we put them in our mouths, you see. I see her now, head down, strolling, pausing, stomping, strolling.

Eventually, I decided I should ignore the itchies and just go out there and look at them. With much trepidation, I forced myself to look at them. Eventually I realized something very important. Hello. The faeries use the mushrooms as shelter from the rain! Yay!

Here you have my up close examination of the faerie bus shelters:

This one is nice. At a distance from the others, you really have to make a run for it. Tho, I imagine faeries scamper. Or flit. At this age, I don't do these things unless champagne is involved.

These are more like A-frame shelters. The Swiss chalet look in faerie bus stops. Several clustered together, this is a civic gathering place!

Here's another shot of the pointy huts. Imagine you're the faerie and the grass is your obstacle. Its a lot of work flitting around. One must stop and chat and sip faerie champagne frequently.



Finally, the Mall-of-America of faerie bus stops. Here you are, the faerie, looking up the hill at this metropolis. Soon you'll be there, resting your wee slippers on a wee seat, laughing and twirling your sparkly faerie hair, throwing magic dust at unsuspecting passers-by.

Oh no!! In the distance, its the massive Yard Monster!! He seems occupied with a poor ladybug or perhaps a spider. Hurry and hide, before he startles and notices us!


Anyway, last week we had our first freeze and the big snowstorm. Now all the mushrooms look limp and useless. They're sort of back to being gross blobs on my lawn. I continue to ignore them.

On Gratitude

I feel sheepish about my previous post, which showed what was clearly a case of poopy pants on my part. I thought about changing it or taking it down, but then I decided I should be letting my true colors show - all of them. And sometimes I'm tired and discouraged. BUT!! Let it be known that, on this day of giving thanks, I have a very full life. It is bursting with people who love me and whom I love.

On my birthday I heard from kajillions of loved-ones, and I felt it. I got really thoughtful gifts that I've arranged on the dining table and that I'm looking at right now. I got a hilarious and vulgar e-card from AmyW. I got to hold a beautiful newborn. I had delicious posole soup. And, again, it was heaven to hang out with my family.

Today we were able to go to Woodworker's parents' house despite the icky weather. I didn't have to lift a finger. Thanksgiving dinner was delicious, relaxed, delightful. Buckaroo even took a little nap there. And he was very cuddly with his grandparents.

I'm eating apple pie right now.

I'm reading "The Agony and the Ecstacy" these days. I don't know why this didn't happen sooner. I find it gripping, in an art historical kind of way. Its replete with witty Florentine aphorisms, such as "God bends the back to the burden." Ahhhnnnn.

My husband finally wore the argyle sweater I got him for Christmas last year. Incredible. Yay.

I just finished the pie. Like, the pie pan is empty. Happy Thanksgiving!

Love, Nellie

Pie

Happy Thanksgiving! It is snowing buckets here. So, we're supposed to have a nasty winter this year. And in my never-ending obsession with Laura Ingalls Wilder, I've been thinking of the book "The Long Winter". Remember how they had to huddle around their stove for weeks on end in a scary winter doldrum, sparingly burning clumps of straw? And remember how the town was starting to grow hungry so Pa burst into Almanzo's bachelor pad and insisted he share some of his wheat grain stash?

So, this week we have seen the beginning of our long winter, perhaps you've heard. This is the first winter in our house and we are discovering the MANY drafty spots. Tis an old house. Lots of towels against doors, lots of frosty windows. And, indeed, like the Ingalls family, we stay near the stove.

We are also seeing the beginning of Mr. Buckaroo crawling everywhere. You realize real quick how dirty your floor is. Drats. And we've got the space heaters and the gas stove blazing so I'm constantly running interference against him. Its hard to get anything done!

Yesterday was my 37th birthday. Tho, I told the boys at the bakery that it was my 19th birthday. And I found out that the village patriarch shares my birthday - he turned 95!! Happy birthday Len.

My parents and one of my brothers (Tom) and one of my sisters (Emma) came up to spend the afternoon with me and Buck. They brought delightful presents and we had take-out thai. I had a birthday apple pie, homemade, which was almost unspeakably delicious. We sipped tea and sat around the stove and stared at the baby. He's silly.

I sort of didn't want this birthday. Mom always says that you don't know how you're gonna feel til you get there. I was feeling sort of blue about this birthday, but seeing my family during the day was a pick-me-up. I think (I know) that I'd feel more positively if I weren't so flippin' tired all the time. I have felt the same trepidation about the holidays. They just seem like hard work. Pre-parenthood, the holidays meant fun, busy-ness, joy, stress AND rest. Now it seems that our days might have fun, but there's no rest. Just more exhaustion. More effort. As you can see, I'm still adjusting to this persistent parenthood thing.

But someday, its inevitable, Buckaroo will sleep more consistently. And I will get sleep. It will happen.

I suppose I should mention that we've all got colds. And its made us (me) grumpier than normal. Nevertheless, my husband got me the most thoughtful present (gift certificate, photo frame, baskets), put up with my blues, and hugged me tight.

And I had pie right before I got in bed, and I had pie first thing this morning. Glorious!

Addendum to Last Night's Post

1. It should be said that the day before yesterday, Mom came up here and had fun with us.

2. Buckaroo slept much better last night. He only woke up twice. And I got actual hours of sleep in a row. Happy Saturday!!!

Dleep Seprivation

Last night I didn't get much sleep. This has been the theme of my life since Buckaroo was born. He is proving to be a very VERY late bloomer in the sleeping category. Also, he has a cold right now. And I think he was having gas pains.

ANYWAY. Today has been difficult. As have many days since he was born because of the sleep deprivation. I need a lot of sleep. Things had been improving the past couple of weeks so I have a bit more perspective on how the deprivation was messing with me today. I am realizing that I'm not that crazy or miserable by nature, but I've just been very tired for a very long time.

For instance, my sister Liz left me a longish voicemail today about how the lady in front of her at Starbucks paid for the following 3 customers. At one point I forgot I was listening to a voicemail and actually started talking to her like she was on the other line. When I realized I'd done that, I started laughing and then it was laugh-crying. Waaah. My brain is mush. Just fits and starts, I tell ya.

So I called her to make her feel bad about how tired I was, and she was with our Mom on the way to the fabric store to have all sorts of fun without me. (They live well over an hour away, so its not like Buck and I could have jumped on board anyway. Plus, no room with her 2 kids' car seats. But whatever.) So I told her I thought that was bullshit and not fair that they were having fun without me. So she asked me if she should have made up a lie about what they were doing? She and mom thought that was funny so they were yucking it up while I kicked at nothing and tried to find something else to complain about. But she hadn't gotten any sleep either and she has TWO kids, so I had to shut up.

I'm going to bed now. We made it through the day. I have a considerable amount of my son's snot on my sweater. But that's about the worst of it. Nervous about how much sleep I will/won't get tonight. But we must go through the night nonetheless.

Sweet dreams.

Princess Buttercup!

So, the dauphin is marrying his commoner. (Tho the House of Windsor would surely not approve of my use of a French term.) I am delighted for them and for the Kingdom. I don't know too terribly much about her, but what I see of Kate Middleton, I like. I have to say, though, my heart stopped when I saw exactly what was on her ring finger. Can you imagine becoming betrothed with Princess Diana's very engagement ring? I'm verklempt. Here you see:

From yesterday's announcement. (didn't she have a smashing blue dress on?) I think it's truly heartfelt of William, and freaking brave of Kate. Not just any broad could do this. And you can go all over the interwebs to read what William said about the gesture. You can also read all the snarky yeah- or nay-sayers. But, you know, people are very attached to the memory of Diana. Myself included.

I must tell you, I have always loved this ring. So much so that it is one of the reasons I wanted a sapphire for my engagement ring. I kid you not. Look!

That's really my hand, I swear. Of course, we didn't reveal it at St. James Palace. Being commoners, we and our parents met for lunch at Olive Garden so Woodworker could give me the ring in proper ceremony. I'm not kidding. We met there for brunch so our parents could finally meet. And I had been (im)patiently waiting for the ring to be finished at the jewelers. So we all got to see its premier together. And it was all very splendid.

And, of course, you know what happens when you get rings like this. This:

Oh dear.

Wasted Resources

Last night I made No Bake Cookies. But they didn't work!!! *&$#@($!poop!! They aren't setting up. They're still mushy. I followed the recipe, dang it. Like, Liz and I used to make these cookies on a weekly basis back in high school. What went wrong?!?!

Buck and I went all the way to the store for ingredients and everything. That's wasted gas, wasted oatmeal-peanut butter-cocoa-sugar-butter, that's wasted time, that's wasted units on Buck's Patience-ometer.

I'm going to mush all the little piles together and try to make a sculpture or pie crust or face mask.

I realize I'm capable of more erudite posts. I'm bursting with important and worldly ideas, I am. But here we are. Cookies and babies.

Today: humbler efforts: folded laundry.

xo nellie

Leadership, Averting Disasters

We watched President Obama on 60 Minutes last night. Always a delight to see a leader speak succinctly. Although, I was suspicious of the editing. You just never know exactly what you're getting from a previously filmed interview in relation to the actual conversation.

Also, I would ask that next time another make-up artist be used. I noticed some cake-iness (sp?) in the close-ups that did not befit a president. He's probably dang tired, though, and they needed to conceal that. I hope his sojourn to India provides some R&R.

Its funny, when I began typing this entry, I started to type "Professor Obama". Rather fitting, though. He does sometimes seem to be patiently leading us towards an understanding of something. And I think its usually something he's just recently learned himself during these last 2 years of financial and health care ick. ("Ick" being the Beltway term, I'm told.) And we're all learning that he's learning that there are no clear fixes.

I know I'm not alone in hoping he would be a sort of FDR - coming in with a paradigm shift and confident, if not heroic, actions straight away. But how does anybody compete with FDR's first 100 days? I think fondly of the Civilian Conservation Corps, for one, but I'm a history DORK. And FDR was such an insider, part of Washington his whole career and stuff. And the world was different. I know that sounds sort of pat and simple, but whatever.

I am definitely of the camp that thinks Obama's Administration averted a potentially greater banking and economic mess. We just don't have any way of knowing what didn't happen, so we can't hold that up as testament. I like to think of him as having his finger in the proverbial dike, protecting the weary countryside, but now the weary countryside still has to find a new and better day. That's my overwrought metaphor. I do like my metaphors.

For instance, right now my son is sitting in his proverbial poopy diaper, unaware of its potential long-term effects on his delicate derriere. And I am going to sweep him up like the Coast Guard saves a flailing seaman, and I shall dredge that diaper of waste matter like the domestic engineer I've become. And then we're going to Ross for some afternoon shopping. But we don't have any money because, you know, the economy, so we'll just work on our Christmas Wish List.

Yours in Public Service,
Nellie

Baffled

I've just come downstairs. Where is my family? Seriously, at this very moment, I am alone in the house. Its Saturday morn, and we had all been rubbing our eyes in bed, wondering what on Earth caused Buckaroo to have such a rotten night's sleep. Woodworker mercifully took the baby downstairs so I could get a few more minute's rest. So for an hour I tried to ignore Buck's very inconsiderate loudness coming from below, and I got a bit more sleep.

But I've just come downstairs and they're GONE. One minute I'm slipping on my slippers and griping to myself about how loud that kid is, the next minute I am wondering where they went. Amazing. It also looks as if Dadda fed Buck some cereal and changed a diaper! Aren't you fascinated by all this?

So, me and my coffee and you in your virtual company. Hello. Here's a terrible self-portrait of me and the ever-perfect niece Juliana Margaret:


But wait, it gets better:


Aaaahhnnnn. She's so silly. Too silly. And go ahead, say it, she has wacky hair. But its so soft and whispy..... omg I loff her so moiche!!!Little pumpkin pie. Ahn. Other people's kids. Lovely.

Its baffling to me how this all works. How fully occupying this parenthood thing is. Sometimes (very occasionally) I'll realize I've been alone in my thoughts and not really in mommy mode - and its shakes me a little. It feels like 2 states, not integrated. I'm one of those people that needs alone time. It helps me get my mind sorted, to decompress, to - you know - keep my shit together. And I am still very much that person now. Motherhood didn't make that part of me go away. Motherhood did, however, make the opportunities to be alone much MUCH more scarce. That's challenging. I just have to share that.

So, while I have this quiet time, maybe I should shut the hell up and just BE in it. Not that I ever overthink anything and stuff.

xo Happy Saturday.

Dear Alexa

Happy Birthday!!! Today is your 37th birthday, which means my 37th birthday is 20 days away! I miss you with every minuscule molecule of my being. I'm trying not to let my blubbering ways to get the best of me. You would want me to have a good day! It is a beautiful day, in fact. Very sunny. And I am quite well groomed today (relatively speaking) - you'd be proud of me. And your mom is coming to visit, and we're going to lunch, and we'll try not to cry, but we probably will. She is such an amazing woman. She continues to teach me so much about being a person in this crazy world.

Language is such a limiting tool at times like this. Words are like vessels that just aren't big enough to contain my meaning. Suffice to say, I wish you were here to see Buck. Well, you are here, but I wish I was sharing the time with you. But you already know that, I imagine.

I love you. But you already know that too.

xoxo ciya

Dear Everyone Else,
Today is Alexa's birthday. She's one of my bestest friends. She's been gone a little over two years now. I miss her. It hurts.