Rated PG
Whoa. What is this strange place? I think I've been here before. It feels like an overlooked room, dusty and musty. I need to get in here and kick up some energy. There are so many things I've wanted to write about, but I seem to have forgotten how to get here. Summer swallowed my mind up like a sinkhole. And usually autumn brings in a sense of motivation and busy-ness for me, but this year I am at sixes and sevens, spinning in circles and indecisive.
At the end of May, a friend of mine passed away which was tremendously sad and discombobulating. Following that, it seemed like sadness and mishaps were falling from the sky for various reasons. I got really and very suddenly quite depressed. I wrote a post about it, and about how I eventually achieved a sort of vibrational shift for the better. But I didn't actually post it.
I did, however, out of desperate curiosity, look into astrology. I just wanted an explanation for the shitstorm. I stopped reading my horoscope in junior high school because I found it was affecting my attitude too much; I was mopey and tortured enough, I didn't need the nuances of a horoscope to fuel the confusion. And I've sort of shied away from them ever since. However! In my hour of desperation a few months ago, I poked around the internet and found some interesting tidbits. This summer of 2018, there were a bunch of planets in retrograde at the same time. Don't ask me exactly what this means. I think I know what it means. I'm not sure. It felt to me like my plans, my thoughts, my actions, my intentions, were stumbly and uninspired. My brain was blah. My brain IS blah. I'm forcing myself to write this post to un-blah my brain.
Maybe the brain planet is still in retrograde. I don't want to look into all of it too much because I think it will swallow me up. I became a stay-at-home-mom so I could get some shit done around here, not so I could become an amateur astrologist. Mind you, I've been at home full time for almost four years and a lot of that shit has not yet been done, so I don't know what to tell you.
Nevertheless, it is October and October is one of my favorite parts of being alive and it makes me want to carpe the diem. At least, it usually does. Maybe the carpe diem planet is also in retrograde. I seem to be low on the carpe diem. I am fully stocked with bored-and-grumpy, but low on look-at-the-beautiful-leaves(!). I'm hoping a little blogging will help me carpe the diem. What I don't want to know is that this is just my lady hormones and that I need to embrace and accept the changes that come with the majesty of the maturing female at this time in life and all that is yet to come or something. What I honestly want to hear is that the path to enlightenment is via binge-watching British crime dramas. That's all I want to do. Instead, I'm writing this post. At least it's something.